I like it, but you know what? I think the rhymes detract from the poem. Your words have to jump from rhyme to rhyme and not emotion to emotion.

Try it again, without the rhymes. I'll bet my last dollar that you can make it punch harder and lead the reader to the happy ending.

Nice choice of photo, by the way.

Britni

Britni Pepper has always enjoyed telling stories. About people, places and pleasures.

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